Ronnieisms

Ronnie·ism: [ro-nee-is-em] -noun

1. An utterance of such obtuseness, as to demand recording for future anecdotal reference. Named after Ronnie, for his now notorious "cheese is 100% fat" debate, and obvservations of Superman 2's darkness in 2004.

Realising that it was unfair to note down quotes out of context for future ridicule, I started recording Ronnieisms soon after Ronnie's first incredible insights into the ratio of dairy to fat way back when. People knew well what taking out my "black book" meant, it meant immortality for the words they had just vomited. It turns out however that immortality doesn't last as long as it used to, because I lost the second black book.

To commiserate this loss, I've compiled a list of ten of my favourite Ronnieisms from times gone by (though to be in keeping with the theme, this one goes up to 11). Here they are, in order of numbers:

1. They're identical, but they don't look the same. -- Nicky
2. Yeah, Afraz is a proper Londoner like me. We were both born in Iran. -- Ronsly Yousef-zadeh
3. I'm average height for a girl in this country. -- Dion Azordegan
4. This might sound stupid, but when you lie, you're not telling the truth. -- Ronsly Yousef-zadeh
5. "How do you spell ..." - and proceeds to spell out - "... L-I-C-H-E-N?" -- Dan "the stain" Braunsteine
6. I don't believe in X and Y chromosomes.
   -- Sarah O.D.
7. I thought dining room was a clever way of saying toilet.
   -- Samanthuel
8. It's easier to break records when the moon is directly above.
   -- Samanthuel (talking about breaking Olympic records with the aid of the moon's gravitational pull)
9. "I've never met a Japanese person." "But you went to Japan?!" "Oh yeah, except when I went to Japan." -- Samanthuel
10. I live on my own -- with other people.
    -- Vaida
11. Grotesque is not necessarily negative.
    -- Jacqueline Van der Bottom