Sunday, 30 September 2007

Of Rabbits and (Chinese) Men

Like many others, I was sent into a nearly uncontrollable killing frenzy (most likely helped by many years of playing video games) upon discovering that foreigners (the Chinese this time) had decided to protest in China town against the Chinese Communist Party, using such sensationalist tactics as sourcing the death of eighty million Chinese "people" to the C.C.P., on the same day that serious protesters (white people) had organised a protest against a shop opening on Oxford Street which sells clothes with the label of a company that produces pornography. It was an obvious ploy on the part of the Chinese protesters to take away attention from the more noble goal of the Playboy protesters, or the Angels of Justice, as I have dubbed them (just now).

Standing up for the gires.
The photo of that salary man in Tiananmen Square squaring off to a tank is all very impressive, but did you know that "Playboy makes hughgh profits from exploiting woman and gires"? Gires as you may know, is a made up word, and it sickens me to the point where I've actually just vomited up my testicles to hear that it's being exploited. Now I have no testicles, are you happy Playboy?! Those were my things! I needed those. Jesus Christ.

This piece is simply called Idiot With A Briefcase.
I talked to one of the Playboy protesters who told me that she was a teacher, and was concerned that some of the children in her class had pencil cases with the Playboy logo on them. She told me that while these children did not exactly understand Playboy's pornography business, the pencil cases had turned them into raging sluts, willing to do ghastly things to get their next hit of Playboy pencil case. The C.C.P. protesters on the other hand tried to sell me some weep story about how over 100,000 Falun Gong practitioners had been sent to labour camps without trial, and how 2,800 have been tortured to death. I spat in her Playboy-ignorant face.

There were almost a dozen brave soles protesting outside the new Playboy shop, putting their lives, and the lives of their families danger by daring to voice what a minority of the public feel; that porn equals bad. Probably. I was literally foaming at the goddamn mouth when I realised that at the same time the C.C.P. protesters were flouting meaningless figures about how over 9 million people had publicly withdrawn from the C.C.P. as a sign of protest, apparently risking death or some such crap. It's a good thing someone saw the foam and dragged me away from the Chinese protester, because I was about ready to headbutt that idiot in an attempt to beat sense into her via osmosis: "People are buying Playboy branded products woman! Can't your Chinese mind understand that?!".

While I was being dragged away, that crazy C.C.P. protester tried (and in retrospect, I guess succeeded) in telling me that the First Secretary of the Chinese Consulate in Sydney defected in May 2005, citing extreme guilt as the cause. This traitor said that the C.C.P. has over 1000 secret agents in Australia. Now I'm no expert on what's true and what's not true, but it's probably true that Playboy has secret agents too. Sexy secret agents who are far more secret, and agenty than the C.C.P.'s. I imagine the Playboy Gestapo eat children to power their child-powered bodies. Children with Playboy pencil cases maybe? Yes, probably, and therefore, definitely. So I ask you, what's worse; the fact that the C.C.P. has secret agents operating in our free lands, or the possibility of Playboy Gestapo child eaters?

If you want to know more about the Angles of Justice's cause of riotous yesness, then follow this link. If on the other hand you want to be sentenced to eternal damnation on the charge of Playboy Ignorance, then go here, God help you.

afraz "honey bunny" khan


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