05.11.03 - Early Velocity
It's 4am and I can't get back to sleep. Now I don't know about the savages in the East but here in the Western world when a 24 year old boy wakes up in the middle of the night not able to get back to sleep, he writes about F-Zero GX, and that's exactly what I'm going to do by God.The last cup in F-Zero, called the Diamond cup (or the Bastard cup), seems to be out of sync with the other cups. While the others are some what difficult, they can be beaten with practice and/or drugs. There's one track in the Diamond cup however which has both your racer and your Wavebird in the air more than is good for them (you see the Wavebird is one of those retarded birds that can't actually fly, like the Birdfish - and you'll discover this the first time you fling it across the room in frustration or at passersby for fun). In this level there's no track per se, but rather a series of platforms that you have to hop between whilst resisting the urge to kill again.
Okay I'm going to put some pants on now because it's freaking cold and also my cat is rubbing himself on my legs and I can't decide whether that's cute or erotic (and to be honest I'd rather not find out). I'll err, be right back ...
Now with my trusty pants of warmth I can continue ... NO KITTY THAT'S A BAD KITTY!
F-Zero GX is hard, but then so is life, and that's what I think this game's about. Nintendo and Sega are trying to teach kids about life and at the same time take their obligatory 39.99 as parent figures. In F-Zero your car gets trashed when you run out of energy by being bashed by the other cars - just like in real-life when you get bashed about by others you're competing with when you're playing F-Zero! In F-Zero you fly a few inches above the ground in racer cars from 25th century at over 1000 mph racing through impossible gravity-defying circuits - just like in real life, when you're high on crack!
Okay I'm getting cold now, and tired. Time to go and stare at the ceiling above my bed for a few hours. But first I need to conclude this thing in a witty paragraph to show what we have learnt today so that you don't feel you've completely wasted another 5 minutes of your life, you loser.
So what have we learnt today? Well, nothing. But Fat-head's wedding is on Saturday and you know what that means - that's right lots of pictures posted here the day after of chubby girls trying not to look like they ate the groom ... and his family. Now I'm not saying that all her friends are fat, but you have to admit that they are all staggeringly fat. And in most cases ugly. Oh man I'm so glad this site is lost in obscurity, else I'd be lost in Kilos of fat, as her friends take turns sitting on me. Okay okay, I'm going to stop now incase I hurt some one's feelings ... not that they I think they can feel anything under all those roles of flab. Argh, I can't stop with the fat jokes! I think I'm a fatist ... or maybe they're the fatist. Okay seriously, enough.
Abeo.
splinter "this site is going to catch up with me one day" khan