killerbees.org.uk

29.10.03 - 7-0

Hi, I'm splinter khan. You may remember me from such blants as Nazi splinter and Complacency. I've been away for a while doing research for my new book for sysadmins entitled "End Users: How to Plead Insanity in a Homicide Case & What to do With All that Left Over Meat". Whilst this has been keeping me quite busy, I did have time to go over to DD's house and play some Capcom Vs. SNK 2 last Saturday. Since I'm not the type of person that will go on and on about how I beat person X at such and such, I'm only going to devote 1 blant to how badly I thrashed DD last weekend at this game. [N.B. I still reserve the right to go on about this outside of this website, i.e. when I meet you I will tell you about the score whether you know DD or not]

The last score was 7-0. Let me just repeat that for the hard of reading; 7-0. That would be seven of your earth numbers to me (i.e. I beateded DD 7 times) - to none of your earth numbers for DD (i.e. DD beat me no times whatsoever out of a possible 7 times). Allow me to illustrate my point with this simple bar graph I made;

The tall orange/yellow bar represents the number of times I beat DD and the slightly less existent bar represents how many times he beat me.

In 20 years time it may come to pass that DD's kids will sit down with uncle splinter and have "the talk". DD won't be able to have "the talk" with them because he will be too embarrassed as he is a fat homo. So it will be up to me to tell them about how when two people hate each other very much one of them ends up getting caned at Capcom Vs. SNK 2. I will will have to teach them about getting 0wn3d like a bitch and the dangers of challenging your superiors. Of course this probably won't happen as DD and I have punched each other in the balls way too many times to ever stand the chance of having children and even if he adopts one, he certainly won't let me anywhere near it.

DD's excuse for losing, and I swear to crap this is true, was that he couldn't do a dragon punch. This is very much like the tortoise turning round to the hair and saying "you only beat me because I can't run very fast". Yes DD, yes you can't do a dragon punch, because you are a freaking loser.

Just like the Germans DD wanted to give it one more go. I was about to oblige but then I noticed the score (I don't know if I mentioned but it was 7 to nothing). I couldn't risk ruining this opportunity to publicly humiliate him, that's just the kind of friend I am, the kind that hates you.

I should also point out that for two of those matches my controller wasn't plugged in and I had to mimic controller input by sending a series of electric charges directly into the Gamecube using one of those electric clicky stove lighter things you find in the kitchen. As I remember it was two zaps to get a dragon punch and one zap to beat him senseless. To try to make him play better I also zapped his nuts everytime he made a mistake, like picking up the controller.

On a side note, I also wooped Marco's arse, but not as badly as 7-0. I owned that house. Big up the south London crew ... and such like.

I'm sure I had more to say but I think I forgot while I was making that bar graph.

splinter "sharyuken" khan