15.10.03 - Beneficial Claims
A great man once said "Help! I'm bloody drowning! Why don't you stop writing down what I'm saying and bloody help me!? Argh ...", but that has little to do with what I want to talk about, though I don't contest his wisdom. No what I want to talk about is the end of things here at KFC (the ISP I work for).It appears that I have single handedly brought down this ISP. Now some of you may be thinking " ... ", but it's true. This is no small task let me tell you, I had to work long late nights ... at home, infront of my Gamecube, to fell this company. The hours I put into Ikaruga alone since I started work here amount to no less than double the amount of time I've been working here. Yes it took some doing, but I persevered, and finally, the company is dead.
This week Bob and I have been preparing for the proverbial shite hitting the proverbial fan, which wouldn't be so bad if the resulting splaterring if crap was also proverbial. This is why the site was down for a day, this is why I feel like I've been run over by a buss full of pregnant American tourists, and this is why Network Solutions needs to die a horrible horrible death. If I could think of a just death for Network Solutions then my mind would have to be warped beyond salvation, as it is I can only come up with boiling all the board members in their collective testicle juices while they have to transfer an endless number of .com domains with no registrant contact - which clearly won't suffice as a punishment.
Having worked in tech-support I know how the mind can wander to other topics during the working day - suicide for example. This is why whenever I phone a tech-support line I make sure I'm as helpful and apologetic for my existence as possible. The pmt ridden bitch of Hades I had the misfortune of calling at Netsol however seemed to be having an exceptionally bad day, and so I tried to be exceptionally humble and non-stupid. So of course this is what happened;
Me: Hi I'm having some trouble changing the DNS servers on some domains <plus an explanation of what was going on>.
PMT-Mistress: This is what you do <explanation of how to do what I just told her doesn't work>.
Me: Um. Okay well see the thing is I tried that and ...
PMT-Mistress: This is what you have to do <same explanation, more venom>.
Me: Yeah but see I tried that already and it ...
PMT-Mistress: Well that's the way you do it.
Me: Right.
PMT-Mistress: Yes?
Me: Yes.
PMT-Mistress: Thank you for calling Network Solutions have a nice day.
Me: Hurray my problem is solved! Now I only need to change the English language so that "my problem is solved" means "nothing is solved".
This was the least painful part of the week. Highlights included; taking calls from every brainless gorp and his mum, trying to pay for things with love (because I still haven't been paid) only to be told that this hasn't been legal tender since the 60's, and my cat puking up on my coat. All in all it's been a devastatingly fantastic week, of pain.
My future plans include a copy of Final Fantasy Tactics and a Gameboy Advance SP. And maybe some cat poison. If you don't see any future blants here it will be because I am thankfully dead.
splinter "w dn't nd n stnkng vwles" khan