killerbees.org.uk

06.10.03 - Dokaka the Electronic

Mr. Dokaka no doubt feels it is vital to Nippon's well-being that he keeps up his country's reputation for being "freaking weird as hell". Therefore he makes music "All songs,All parts,MOUTH WORKING ONLY". I'm not sure what that means but that doesn't make it any less funny. I highly recommend you check out some of his songs. If you miss his rendition of Smells Like Teen Spirit then you just haven't lived - of course you'll also still have your brains unbroken but believe me when I say that that is a small price to pay for hearing the special Dokaka interpretation of the chorus. It's either genius or fantastically retarded. Possibly both. If you're still unsure as to whether you want to go experience the magic of Dokaka or get back to work then I'll let the man sell himself;
*Your Favourite Songs Can Now Be Your Favourite Hummings*
*Your Favourite Instruments Can Now Be Converted Into Your Favourite Hummings*

I put it to the court that the Japanese people are being weird on purpose just to confuse us. Not content with looking kinda funny, they continue to mock our bewilderment of their culture. They are in fact completely normal and only act messed up to throw us off. Off what you ask? Well one only has to look into their bloody history to see.

From 50,000,000 BC to around 5,000,000 BC the Nipponese were fish. Fish tend to be generally peaceful, except when they're attacking, then they're not so peaceful, but rather violent (I think this is just them trying to make up for some inferiority complex about not having teeth like all the other predators - yeah I know they're not really predators but do you have the heart to tell them?). So no attacking Korea, China, and anyone else who happened to be unfortunately situated next to or near Japan. This period is commonly referred to by historians as the Peaceful Nippon period, or the Shameful Lack of Violence period by Japanese historians.

Then they evolved thumbs to make sharp pointy things with and the bloodbath began.

After the 50342658th time of trying to take over the world the Japanese decided that perhaps a bunch of small islands waging a full assault on the rest of the planet wasn't such a hot idea after all and so their ancestors maybe weren't as wise as they made out to be. So of course the next logical step is to start making really cool electronics. Obviously.

Some say that they became good at this because they are so small and therefore can get closer to the chip boards. These are most likely the same people that watch Saved by the Bell and suck led. This idea is not only silly, but also racist, unlike my theory; which is that they have something called the Jappo gene which makes them really good with electronics. The Jappo gene is much like the Slit-eye gene which makes Chinese people good at maths. Not so closely related is the Arab gene which makes Arabs blow stuff up. Or the Retard gene which makes people racist.

In any brown brief-case, they are taking over the freaking world and should possibly be stopped. I say only possibly because being ruled by people who buy used girls pantys out of vending machines may turn out to be rather interesting. I mean I never finished reading The Man in the High Castle or anything but I'm betting it ended "and they lived happerry ever after". We're talking about the country which spawned Nintendo, what could possibly go wrong? Oh, right, the whole tentacle rape thing.

splinter "do to da ka to da ka yo" khan

This has just been brought to my attention. I shall say a special prayer tonight for the peoples of Japan and their broken minds.
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