01.08.03 - Consider Her Ways
I don't go into the ladies toilet very often, at least not since the trial where ... unspeakables happened (that judge should have known better than to try to "reason" with me, as he called it), but yesterday I didn't really have a choice. Well I did have a choice but it was a choice between going into the ladies bog or pooing my pants. Admittedly the choice of pooing my pants did seem appealing compared to what the judge said he'd do to me if he ever saw me again, well okay, the choice of pooing my pants just seemed appealing full stop, but I chose to go into the ladies bogs instead.It was there that I made a startling discovery. Startling to the point where I was a little disturbed, not to mention startled. Did I mention that it was startling? Coz it I wasn't, I mean, was. So I'm there on the loo doing what I do best on the loo - playing Pokemon on my Gameboy - when I noticed that the toilet roll was hanging on the left wall! The toilet roll hangs on the right wall, always the right wall. Always. It's important.
Having the roll hanging on the wrong wall could mean only one of two things; either the female of the species are aliens, or they are from a parallel dimension, and I don't believe in aliens, it's too improbable. Well this scientific evidence was enough to convince me of woman kind's plans to take over the world, but I figured you goits would be sceptical for some reason, so I set about doing some research to prove it to you. It's important this is widely known, maybe we still have a chance to stop it. Think of the children! Won't some one think of the children!? Argh!
Consider her ways: She wears a layer of makeup everyday to hide her true hideous form. As far as history goes, she suddenly came to be, out of no where - "Yay verily there was Adam, and he was a bit bored, probably. And then a second later there was Eve, out of thin air! ... erm, verily, and stuff" - Markuscoolius:Line 666:The Bible. She eats babies when no one's looking. Okay I made that last one up, but she might do, how do you know? I hope this has been evidence enough of woman kind's heinous intentions - not the ones involving cake, I mean the ones that involve wiping out men and replacing them with Robots made from jam, you know, the bad stuff. You may think that having jam robots would actually be kind of cool but would it be as cool if you were dead!? Okay it still be cool, but you know, shut up.
Anyway, now that we know about the bad crazyness which is to befall us (and by us I mean men the true inhabitants of this dimension's Earth! Damn you!), what are we to do? Well I have, a modest proposal, if you will (heh, two literary titles in one blant, I'm so cool). I suggest that we stop producing those tampon things and destroy all remaining supplies. That way the women will hopefully bleed to death. Thank you.
splinter "el revalucian" khan