28.04.03 - Nazi splinter
Now this is going to sound harsh but hear me out; I vote we kill everyone I don't like. No wait, hear me out, I have Venn diagrams. You see I feel that there is just too much stupid in the world to allow things to function at maximum speed. Society is dragged down by the lowest common denominator (in most cases this is Dion Azordegan). Everything has to be made idiot proof incase some one hurts their stupid selves with it and some one only slightly smarter comes up with the wonderful idea of suing you because of it. Newspapers are forced to print meaningless crap instead of actually news - let me tell you folks, Bianca getting married to Alfs' turd in Eastenders? That's not news. Signs for the stupid are everywhere - like "Don't forget to exhale ... OH CRAP! AND INHALE! DON'T FORGET TO INHALE TOO!", but where are the signs for the not so stupid? Like "Danger: Stupids About - Watch Their Step For Them".Exactly after writing the above paragraph I got off the phone to a stupid (as some of you may know I work for an ISP which I call KFC here to avoid firedness) which further fuelled my wanting to write this article. The gentlemen used the term "computer literate". I mean what the heck does that mean anyway? When did people start reading computers? And more to the point, why didn't they tell me about this new drug? Listen while we're taking a time out here in this paragraph I should probably mention that I don't mind the occasional stupidity. I love being stupid myself, but too much of a bad thing is worse.
So I have come up with a modest proposal; kill the stupids. After painstaking research and (also painful) consultation with Dr. Cyrus Khan (he promoted himself to this rank with the reasoning that no one else here went through half a year of A-Level Biology and Chemistry and therefore if anyone is going to be called doctor then it should be him. I'm not a doctor so I didn't argue), I have come up with with following Venn Diagram to help us identify the stupids to be rounded up into concentration ca... err, holiday homes in another country which isn't here;
A - Own a PS2, B - are clubbers, C - unnecessarily ugly, D - Use Venn-diagrams
If this diagram shows us one thing, it's that horsies are cute. If it shows us two things though then we can see that the region in the middle where all the circly circles join (Dr. Khan has named this "The Stupid Zone") is our problem. If we could somehow group all these people up and transport them somewhere else - say, Deathland for example - then I would feel much better. Oh yeah and some crap about a better gene pool or whatever.
Unfortunately this would leave us with no females and so the human race would become extinct in about 90 years. But since a lack of females in the population effects me in the same way a lack of condoms in the pharmacy would (that is to say, not at all), I'm all for it.
splinter "I shot the sherrif and all I got was this lousy teeshirt" khan