26.04.03 - Waving at Birds
So I thought it's about time to post again or something - not least because I want to get this outdated story off the front page. It's funny, I was in such a hurry to put it up at the time that I even knocked off the current story, fascinating as it was.Wooh okay, let's talk about the Nintendo Wavebird controller I just bought, that aught to shut you the hell up for a second. I held out from buying one of these for various reasons, but mainly because I don't trust things that normally have wires not having them. There's just something not natural there. Some say it's the devil. Anyway what freaks me out is the thought of playing a game I'm really into and a crucial button press at a crucial point in a crucial level not being transmitted correctly, and crucially. You can imagine how frustrating that is (if you can't because you have no imagination or you're George Bush then try this; slam your head against the wall. It won't help get you an imagination but it will make me laugh. I recommend doing it until you knock yourself out. Extra credit for managing to do it even after you've knocked yourself out. Better get out of these parenthesise, this is too long by miles). Also I don't like the idea of having to shell out buckage for new batteries on account of me being a cheap bastard. Buying batteries doesn't sit well with me. Infact it sits just about as well as that Goddamn lunch I had on Friday that almost killed me.
So anyway I'm in Game and I want to get an extension cable for my existing controller in preparation for Zelda (my couch is too far from my teevee for me to slouch for hours on end like I need to for this game). I'm thinking, "Well I need another controller too, but crap that comes up to like 35 squid. That Wavebird thing is 35 squid too. Hmm, extension cable ... another controller ... by George I think I have an idea! All I need are two parrots and some glue! But first I had better buy this Wavebird controller". I'm not going to go in the parrot and glue story. That's another blant alltogether. One which should probably stay unpublished.
So I ask the guy behind the counter for his opinion on various aspects of the thing. Normally I would never bother asking for "help" when it comes to anything to do with games since it seems to be a prerequisite for Game staff to not only be drainbrameged but also be allergic to games. But I've talked with this guy once before and he seemed to know what he was talking about last time. So I ask him about the range and what not and you know what he said? No kidding I'm not making this up (other people are always hilarious enough, I don't need to embellish), he says "Yeah it's got great range, I mean I was using it from the toilet and I didn't get cut out once. It's a great little ..." wait a freaking minute! Did he just say that he was playing from the freaking toilet!? WTF is that about? I mean either this guy has some serious X ray stylies or he's just a dribbling idiot. Maybe he doesn't even work there. Like he just wandered in off the street one day and likes to pretend that he has a job and doesn't really have jelly for brains. I don't know, we can only speculate. Of course a third option is that he's just amazingly disgusting and has a makeshift toilet (a bucket) in his room. I imagine him wearing this bucket on his head quite often. Often without emptying it.
Anyway I say "ah ... ha. What about battery life?". The bastard does it again; "Oh you won't hardly ever have to buy batteries, I mean I bought mine over a year ago and I still haven't had to change the batteries". This guy is a regular Sluf I swear. This Goddamn thing has a radio transceiver in it and he's telling me he hasn't changed the batteries for over a year. To be fair he may have just neglected to finish the sentence on account of his drainbrammege; "Oh I don't play video games though, they make you kill people, I saw a documentory on it or something. Please kill me".
Now I pride myself in being a stupid, and what better way to show your stupidity than by taking advice from another person whome you know to be a stupid? So I buy the thing, take it home, and fire up Metroid Prime for a test run. It works. More than that, it works well. I play away happily for a few minutes. Then it happened.
The transmition cut out for a split second causing me to lose targeting on what I was homing in on for a moment. Now this may seem trivial but imagine you're playing Zelda (or better still imagine I'm playing Zelda) and you're near the end fighting Ganon. You're Z-targeting his evil arse when - pop - you lose targeting for a second, then you're dead. I can't enjoy a game now without being paranoid that my controlls are going to screw up any second.
I really hope this isn't going to be a trend in Nintendo hardware. I've always thought their h/w shared the same level of excellence as their software so it would be a real shame if this is the first piece of crappy h/w of many.
Jesus Christ I'm tired. I "slept" over at DD's last night (he has a really soft floor ... incase you're American; I w a s b e i n g s a r - c a s - t i c, okay you may need this). I am so going to bed. In a minute. After I finish this level.
splinter "too tired to proof read" khan